Looking for a Change of Pace and a Change of Scenery

I am born and raised in South Florida and I have to say, for a state everyone seems to want to come to, I would love more than anything to get out of it. It is hot almost all year around (we just got our first decrease in temperature all year and it is still in the 70's). There is no change in seasons, it is always green. And seriously, palm trees are ugly!

I'm sure there are people out there thinking the above statement is crazy, but when you have never really seen the leaves turn, had a Halloween when it actually felt like fall, or been able to cozy by a fireplace during the winter, then not really crazy to want that. Oh, and I forgot to mention the sand...there is so much sand and gets in everything and doesn't grow anything substantial. Bleh.

So I am thinking, why not just move somewhere else? Well that's the next step. I have decided I need to move anywhere but here. So my new quest is to find a place that works for my family and go there. But one can not just pick up an move with no idea of where they are going, at least not one with a family. So I am figuring it out slowly and hoping for some good news in the upcoming weeks that can make my decision final.

And the rest of the family? They are on board. Chelsea is a little hesitant, and I get that, but I think she will do just fine with the change. So it is official, once we get things worked out, we are moving. We are finally going to have a change of scenery.

The change of pace is me coming to realize that I need to just let go and work through things. Instead of worrying about every little thing, just work hard, keep trucking along, and actually rest when it is warranted instead of worrying myself sick about all the "what if's" that may or may not happen.

Do Something Scary and Get Uncomfortable

I have been reading a book I have put off for a year now and I am actually going through the motions by doing the exercises and answering all the questions. I have to say, this book really throws reality in your face and makes you finally face the fact that your unhappiness is your own fault and you are the only person who can do something about that. Huh...okay, so I suck at being me. Now what???

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After it shows you why you suck, and I mean really in your face show you, it makes you figure out things you want; material, being, etc. What do you really want from life...what makes you tick...what will make you happy? This list is actually a lot harder for me then I initially thought. I am not used to thinking about what I want. I'm used to putting everyone else in front of my own needs. To be honest, I am still working on this list.

After that, the book tells you to do something scary and get uncomfortable. Yeah, this I'm looking forward to...not! I am so stuck in my "comfortable" zone, but as the book explains, this is why we become unhappy, depressed and all around just suck. Well I have a lot more to go through this book before it's over, and I'll let you know what the book is when I finish it, but for now the main lesson I learned is I suck at making myself happy. Now to work on fixing that.

And it isn't just the book telling me that being stuck in a pattern and making yourself "bored" is why we get so lost. I read a great blog post the other day about How To Find Yourself When You've Lost Yourself and it struck a cord with me. I can totally relate, up to the point when she tells you to do something scary and get uncomfortable. Yikes!

Lesson 5: Do Something Scary and Get Uncomfortable. Okay, fine. I'm doing something scary and getting uncomfortable. I am putting my personal thoughts and feelings out there for people to read. I am starting to work on a new path that I can't quite put online just yet, but it will help me break my "routine". Am I scared yet...not totally. I'm not even totally uncomfortable yet, but I am looking for that "ah hah" moment when I can just break free and jump. My whole life has been so calculated that just taking baby steps out of my comfort zone is making me lose my mind, but in return, I see a small light at then end of this journey and who knows, maybe I finally can exist again.

So what's next? Keep going on different paths till I reach an edge and finally push myself off this ledge and take the jump.